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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend is quite pessimistic about our sex life, but I'm a vagina half full kind of guy."

"I bet vampires just walk around saying how different things were in back the old days."

"I have a feeling that Scalia was sad that he was going to be alone on Valentine's Day... ...and it broke his heart..."

"Why did the chicken lock itself in the freezer? to get to the other side."

"Sia's full name is: ""Sia...Wouldntwannabia."""

"What's it like never being flaccid? Hard."

"Dinner with Mom: Are these real people you're talking about or are they from the internet?"

"I slept with an acrobat once. She was lousy in bed. It was like Cirque de So-So lay."

"Put the punchline in the title. Jokes suck when people"

"I wanted cats. My wife wanted kids. So we got a dog."