703

Joke of the Day

"My favorite kind of math is adding insult to injury."

"The Dutch have invented a continuously-airborne plane. It never lands."

"Did you hear they finally caught the watch thief? It was only a matter of time!"

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."

"Why did I buy a bolt? Because the hardware store clerk was a 300 pound flaming homosexual, and I was afraid to ask him for a screw"

"A lot of beautiful women have told me that I am a looker... and that I should stop."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. German light bulbs don't break."

"listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk"

"A homeless guy just gave me some change. Note to self: When in public, wear pants."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.""...... Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""