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Joke of the Day

"A simple smile can brighten someone's day... ...but a wide-eyed, toothy lunatic smile can keep them up all night."

"What do you call a deep thinking pastry chef? A filosopher."

"What do a pizza guy and a gynecology have in common? They can both smell it but cant eat it."

"9/11 Jokes Aren't Funny... they are just plane wrong."

"If you drill a hole through the planet and drop a stone into it, how far does it fall Three feet and then the green rock eater eats it"

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and I'm like ""Get outta here boys! I didn't get this chubby by sharing my milkshakes!"""

"I told my friend about the Muslim slave trade the other day... ""Dubai?"" He asked ""Yes, and sell"" I replied."

"OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL! Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea"

"ME: Would you like a snack? 4: No. As a pure mathematical object, I require no physical sustenance."

"How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram"