69958

Joke of the Day

"""Hey girl are you from Europe?"" ""cause europiece of shit"""

"I was thinking of hosting a gathering of celebrities where we make harsh jokes about honoree JLO's backside. Think of it as a rump roast."

"What's the difference between bullets and everyone? Everyone misses Harambe."

"There is a vast difference between an underdog and a loser, the first one has a real chance to win."

"A skeleton walks into a bar orders a beer and a mop."

"Doctor doctor, I only have 59 seconds to live! Be with you in a minute"

"Everything happens for a reason. But, sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

"I wish I were a Jedi. I don't want to use the Force or anything. I just want to hang out in my bathrobe all day."

"Had I known you were coming I would have baked a cake. Instead you get to watch me decapitate an iguana. You should call ahead."

"I hate hipsters Their vegan diets, whiskery faces, tiny feet, and sawdust bedding. Oh wait, hamsters, I hate hamsters"