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Joke of the Day

"I was at Morrisons earlier and the cashier asked a foreign couple if they needed help packing. I thought ""Fuck me, this is getting serious"""

"99.9% of people are idiots Fortunately, I belong in the 1% of intelligent people"

"Did you know PMS is mentioned in the Bible? ""...and Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."""

"I was walking though a forest With a young girl the other night and she said ""I'm scared"" I said ""Your scared, I've gotta walk back on my own"""

"When is a mountain goat not a mountain goat? When he's a hillbilly."

"My car's tank is on E and I'm still driving... Call me crazy, but I think I just beat the system!"

"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says ""Haha good one!"" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap"

"Rob somebody at gunpoint today, show the world how serious you are at nicknaming your new friend Robert."

"Why do they call it the wonder bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went."

"How man Jews can you fit in a Mercedes? A few thousand. They all fit in the ashtray"