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Joke of the Day

"When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t."

"Did you know if you send a fancy iPhone emoticon to a non-iPhone user, it just shows up as a middle finger?"

"How do you get a drummer to drink a beer open it for him"

"I regret buying that straight jacket. Thought it would look good on me but I just can't pull it off."

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley. After months of therapy I'm finally battling my Damons."

"Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California? Because it's worth it."

"Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."

"I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane."

"*quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiance is reading her wedding vows*"

"There's this blind old man Going for walk, he walks into a fish market, takes a deep breath and says good morning ladies..."