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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a really hot woman in 9inch heels pay for a plasma tv with ones.. I could be wrong but i think she might be a librarian."

"Its supposed to be drizzy today, so expect a lil wayne."

"me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?"

"Why does lanolin oil smell exactly like cow semen? don't ask me!"

"I hate taking my paraplegic dog out for walks. It's a real drag."

"So about that guy with the premature ejaculation problem.... ...i heard he comes out of nowhere"

"Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light."

"TEBOW FEVER!! I haven't seen this many people following a white bronco since OJ!!!!! Ba-ha-ha!!"

"Why do people buy smart cars? Because opposites attract."

"Real person: Do you have Twitter? I'll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don't have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all.."