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Joke of the Day

"90% of my friends have hemorrhoids. The other 10% are perfect ass holes."

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"Your cat doesn't love you. If it were bigger it would eat you."
"TIFU by being a dyslexic bus driver Whoops, wrong bus"
"If you watch COPS backwards it's just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs"
"How did ISIS become so powerful? They got a head"
"whats 6 inches long, red, and makes cry my girlfriend cry when i feed it to her her miscarriage"
"I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes."
"What do you get when you drop a Hawaiian pizza? Pearl Harbor pizza."
"Sign in restaurant window: ""Eat now - Pay waiter."""
"Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure."