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Joke of the Day

"Why do gas prices end with 9/10 of a penny? It just makes cents."

"[Entire house is full of trees] Girlfriend: What did you do?! Me: You told me to spruce things up. GF: Everything's stuck to everything!!!"

"Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars"

"What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill? Walking...JK, Rolling!"

"Pepsi just bought out Nike. Nike's new slogan will be, ""Just Dew It""."

"My niece was born with no eyelids, bless her heart, but the doctors were able to replace them with surgically removed foreskin... Only side effect is she's a little cock-eyed now."

"Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two."

"Some chump in an orange apron in B&Q just asked me if I wanted decking... Fortunately I got the first punch in."

"What do you call a group of men in a flying car having unsatisfying sexual intercourse with a single woman because they feel sorry for her? A shitty pity gangbang."

"Saw a Mexican lady driving around with a ""Jesus"" bumper sticker. Can't tell if she loves Jesus or is really supportive of her husband."