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Joke of the Day

"3 days ago I got a pass-code lock that takes a picture whenever someone enters the wrong code in my phone. So far I have 26 pictures of drunk me."

"Takes a very specific type of confidence to drop off your hoodie at coat check."

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of co-ordination? HAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDD EYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I've been calling my wife ""honey"" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name."

"Have you ever had North Korean food? No? Neither have they."

"What do you called a piano someone pissed in? A peeano."

"Do they make those harmonica holders but for sandwiches?"

"How can you tell if a black woman is pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out the cotton is already picked."

"Why can't Sean Connery read November? Because he hasn't Read October."

"You know I heard Hitler was a really good cook. . . Everything he made was kosher."