69266
Joke of the Day
"I injured my back in Egypt... and had to see a Cairo-practor"
Next Joke
"Went to my daughter's netball finals yesterday. What a semi."
"Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine."
"Ten words, two commas, a punctuation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday. They're due to be sentenced next week."
"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman? The Rolling Stones say ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud."" A Scotsman says ""Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."""
"What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things."
"""Pilot season"" in Hollywood is when TV networks pay writers millions of dollars to think of ways people could move in together."
"If I was Jennifer Lawrence, I'd see which laws I could ignore. Start with going behind the counter at Starbucks, work my way up to murder."
"When someone asks me, ""Is this seat saved?"" I like to say ""No, but we're still praying for it"" and I laugh because chairs are like, dead."
"I would go to any lengths to find a good measuring tape."