69141

Joke of the Day

"""DADDY THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED"" [me opening bedroom window] Wife: What are you doing? Me: *climbing out* ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two, but you can't get them out."

"I eat a lot of grapes. I'm basically a wino with no patience."

"Is there anyone besides Jesus Christ who has the privilege of having his name double as a swear?"

"What has 7 arms and sucks? Def Leppard"

"What type of underwear does a fetus wear? Fruit of the womb."

"A Day in the life of John Dillon. My name is John Dillon, I do all the killin', I make 5 Dollars Day. I see a Girl named kitty and she shows me her titties and she takes my 5 Dollars away."

"Where do bros go for spring break? Gainzville."

"God damn auto correct... Always making me say things I didn't Nintendo"

"Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu? so he could flip the bird"