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Joke of the Day

"will you marry me? ""OMG YES! I love you!!!"" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too"

"'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'"

"What did Obama say when he proposed to Michelle? I don't wanna be Obama self"

"I seen twins hugging I told them to get a womb"

"""You're what you eat"" So when will your mum become me?"

"Whats the difference between a mosquito and your mom? The mosquite stops sucking when I slap it."

"What's the number ten's favorite Spanish phrase? Diez mio!"

"I just had to clean all the windows in my house. What a pane in the glass that was."

"Two Irish men walk out of a bar."

"What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket? Hey, I think he moved."