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Joke of the Day

"I used to work as a bed salesman One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop."

"Me: Things are going well. *knocks on wood* 5-year-old: Who's there? Me: It's not a knock knock joke. 5: It's not a knock knock joke who?"

"How do black people decide what day to wear airbrushed memorial t-shirts of dead relatives?"

"Worlds shortest joke... (fixed) My life."

"Gynecologist: ok, I just need you to open up... Me, interrupting: As a middle child, I never felt good enough. Gynecologist: Um, your legs"

"What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"Nightclub bouncers find me so attractive that they ask me to stand next to them while they make everyone else go inside."

"To the guy that found my empty wallet... I don't know how to repay you."

"A boob job sounds like the best job in the world."

"I have a magician friend who makes eggs appear out of thin air He calls the routine ""Creation Eggs Nihilo"""