68938

Joke of the Day

"Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono."

"What do you call fireworks that don't work? Fireunemployed."

"I've kept my New Year's resolutions. 1680x1050 and 1280x800."

"My pup has now chewed up 4 welcome mats and I'm beginning to think she's more antisocial than I am."

"The Japanese believe the color of a person's aura changes to cyan before they die. Cyan-Aura"

"I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, ""I'm peeing in here!"" Fucking b*tch."

"What's Pink and Hard??? A Pig with a Flip Knife."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No ideer."

"Things have changed so much like 4000 years ago if you killed a lion and could fix people's teeth you would have been the king of everything"

"Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire. (I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)"