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Joke of the Day
"What's Michelle Obama's favorite place on reddit? /r/jokes cause it's all about recycling!"
Next Joke
"What is a cardiologists favorite wine Vena Cava"
"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."" ""Oh my god honey, what happened?"" ""I reposted the same goddamn joke too many times."""
"""Let's call it a day."" I don't know what else you'd call it. Calling it a turtle would just sound stupid. ""Lets call it a turtle."" See?"
"*Young Jesus plays with food* Mary: you're not playing until you finish your bread and fish! *ugh* *touches food* *it multiplies* NOOOOOO!!!"
"My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time"
"So, a florist gave me the wrong flowers. I think they're called oopsie daisies."
"Here's another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water]"
"Whenever I hear someone scream ""Call an ambulance,"" I'm like, um, ever heard of email"
"Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a meteorologist. Now, I've got 3 weather apps on my phone. Living the dream, people."