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Joke of the Day

"I took the shell off my racing snail... ... thinking it would make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish."

"Why do people dislike going to the dentist? Because he is boring."

"Doctor, Doctor... I have a steering wheel in my pants. It's driving me nuts!"

"Did you hear about the guy with a fetish for public transportation? He got off at every stop."

"[undoes GFs bra first time] ""wow have you been practicing?"" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]"

"Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job."

"Every time a famous music composer dies... ... he starts decomposing."

"What's the internal temperature of a Ton-ton? Lukewarm"

"What does going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? You have to bite off the crust, lick the gooey stuff before you get to the meaty bits"

"Did you hear about the Parisian who jumped off a bridge? He went in Seine."