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Joke of the Day

"Where did Little Johnny go when the bombs dropped? Everywhere."

"ME: ""Whoa. Put a combo on that meat locker."" HIM: ""Huh?"" ME: ""Your fly is down, idiot."""

"My wife caught me measuring my dick. Embarrassing! It reached just to the back of her sister's throat."

"What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go to a store without robbin'."

"Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?! Alexa: Hold my beer!!!"

"What's the difference between a large chested lobster and a dirty bus stop? One's a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"Why did the little Dutch boy have to register as a sex offender? He kept on sticking his finger in a tyke."

"I ordered the CliffsNotes version of Snooki's book and they sent me a bar menu, a printout of the urban dictionary and an STD pamphlet."

"The years 2045. 90s kids are old &wrinkly. Grandma tosses seeds to pigeons ""Go insane go insane throw sum glitter make it rain"" she whispers"

"""Let's take a couple dozen over-stimulated children and give them enough sugar to kill an elephant."" - inventor of the birthday party"