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Joke of the Day

"You shouldn't commit any crimes after you marry someone. Why? Because you have a mother in law."

"I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene... Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity."

"It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol."

"Q: Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)"

"What did Luke Skywalker say to his sister's bully? Don't you Leia finger on her"

"My girlfriend from high school called today. She's stoked about getting her driver's license."

"Who wants to hear an appendectomy joke? [Removed]"

"I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out. But she pulled some strings and got me in."

"Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet."

"BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES"