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Joke of the Day

"I sat next to a hot girl on bus and thought: Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection. ... ... But she did. :<"

"What do (does?) Rihanna and Onion Rings have in common? They're both battered."

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young for you? You have to make airplane noises to put your dick in her mouth"

"What are feminists best at in mathematics? TRIGGER-nometry"

"Tough break for cows. They're filled with delicious meat and covered in leather. How are we supposed to not kill them?"

"Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned. I started showing more interest in one of my investments. It appreciated it."

"Which actor is best suited for a programmer role? Dev Patel."

"I watched two gay guys put up a tent today.... ...that was a camp sight."

"[Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery."

"guy who wrote the Folgers jingle never got woken up with a blowjob."