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Joke of the Day

"I sat next to a hot girl on bus and thought: Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection. ... ... But she did. :<"

"What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A tyrano-snore-us rex."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? One goes... *WHACK*...""Dang it!"" And the other goes... ""Dang it!""...*WHACK*"

"So a neutron walks into a bar He asks the bartender ""how much for drink?"" The bartender replies, ""For you, no charge."""

"When I die, I might have an open casket funeral. Remains to be seen."

"Obama is a lot like college Everyone wants four more years, but nobody wants to pay for it."

"What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!"

"I said ""sad face emoji"" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am."

"Nazis and the great depression, I get it, Grandpa. But did you have to hear the word 'selfie' every fucking day? Did you?!"

"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands in the air. But how would I catch them?"