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Joke of the Day

"Fidel Castro's Favorite Pickup Line Girl, I'm no Kennedy or Khrushchev, but I can show you a Cuban Missile Crisis"

"[tv announcer] Are you bloated? Tired? Unable to enjoy the activities you once loved? [me with mouthful of chips] YEAH"

"what is awesome and witty? heres a hint, join the two words and put a jew in there"

"April showers bring May flowers. And car bombs, suicide bombers, beheadings, etc. Tis the season."

"Who was the best financier in the Bible? Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation."

"My dancing style can best be described as ""Guy On Maury Who Just Found Out He Isn't The Father."""

"Yo girl, you must be a butterfly 'Cuz I feel like I wanna mount you."

"What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS? They both hate the French press"

"It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it"

"How do you kill a vampire baby? Stake and shake"