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Joke of the Day

"NSFW What is the difference between your father and I? Nothing. We both had sex with your mom. Just kidding, the difference is that I used a condom."

"-You think I'd make a bad Private Eye 'cause I can't read body language? I will prove you wrong! -Sir, you're talking to the murder victim"

"What do Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say insert bill here"

"75 years ago my grandfather died in a concentration camp he fell off a guard tower"

"The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote."

"Lifehack: Make sure you give your child a normal name Me: are you still mad your parents named you ""lifehack""?"

"Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"People say I've got no willpower But I've quit smoking loads of times."

"Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they're full."

"Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!"