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Joke of the Day

"be careful when u talk baby talk to a baby becuase if u dont understand what ur saying u may acidentaly be declaring war in baby langauge"

"Why do they call it a Wonderbra? Because you take it off and wonder where their tits went."

"Whenever I poke my cat in the eye and he gets squinty, I feel bad and poke him in the other eye, so I can pretend he's just really high."

"What do you call a rude god? Assholy."

"If you give a developer a cookie... they'll tell you why it's really better to use local storage."

"Schizophrenic walks into a psychiatrists office . . . says, ""Doc, am I as crazy as he says we are?"""

"What tribe is your bicep from?"

"My father always told me ""The way to a woman's heart is... ""...through her left breast."""

"[at the mall] ""Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?"" ""Of course."" [leans in to mic] ""Goodbye you little shit."""

"Q: why did the blond stare at her orange juice for 2 hours? A: because it said ""concentrate"""