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Joke of the Day

"A prostitute propositions a snowman, ""I can be gentle or dominant. I can be anything you want me to be."" The snowman hands her $20 and says, ""Be a snow blower."""

"Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future."

"Whenever I hear someone scream ""Call an ambulance,"" I'm like, um, ever heard of email"

"What do you call it when a prayer is answered? A coincidence."

"So far my favorite part about being pregnant is telling people I'm not pregnant when they ask when I'm due."

"TIL The deadliest Medieval warrior was a Scottish tailor. ....He kilt thousands of people."

"What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both go to Uranus to wipe out the Klingons. [old classic]"

"Just realised why careers advisors are shit they couldn't even pick their own career"

"What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick? You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it"

"What is the etymology of the word ""politics""? *Poli*, from the Greek *polloi*, meaning ""Many"". And *Ticks*, from English, meaning ""little bloodsucking creatures."""