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Joke of the Day

"I get this girl to come home with me. I'm in bed with her and then she tells me ""Just the tip."" Jokes on her, that's all I got."

"Getting your shit together just sounds unsanitary"

"Secret To Comedy Guy 1: Hey! Ask me ""What is is the secret to comedy?"" Guy 2: Okay ... What is the sec- Guy 1: TIMING!!! sorry if it sucks"

"What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question."

"My grandfather had alzheimers..."

"What did the one strawberry say to the other? If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!"

"I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up."

"The secret cocaine ring in my school still hasnt been busted by the police It's slipping right under everyone's noses!"

"Whoever thought up the spelling of the word ""queue"" is stueuepid."

"Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple. "