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Joke of the Day

"Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas? Slanta Claus."

"What did one condom say to the other while passing a gay bar? Lets go in there and get shit faced."

"What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? ""Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"""

"We were gonna give you money but thought you might prefer the limited buying power of a gift card. Don't spend it all in one place! lol jk"

"Only dead fish go with the flow."

"""I ran a half marathon"" sounds so much better than ""I quit halfway through a marathon""."

"Me: You can't arrest me. I have to run a marathon today. Cop: Stop playing the race card."

"All these phone companies advertising for ""More lines, more savings!"" But when I do more lines my savings go to shit."

"It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to do his closing argument."

"Gets pulled over: "" it's because I can't see isn't it?!"""