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Joke of the Day

"""Grandpa, grandpa! Tell us again about the time you whittled a 189 character idea down to a perfect 140 character tweet!"""

"What do all 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys receive before leaving the factory? Two test tickles."

"Give the chick a break. Kristen Stewart TOTALLY looks sorry. Or happy. Or sad. Or constipated."

"A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub... She says, ""Show me it's true what they say about black men."" ;) So he stabs her & steals her purse."

"Isaac Newton's friend was 16 minutes late the first time they met. At their second meeting, the friend was 8 minutes late. At this rate, said Newton, ""you'll never be on time."""

"If a mime performs in the forest, and nobody is there to see him, it's all for the best."

"Chuck Norris There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris. It was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives."

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? because they are ugly and they stink."

"Just finished my book about how to get laid at bars. It's called The Girl With the Lower-Back Tattoo."

"[loud speaker] ""Hi shoppers I see a lot of confused guys with mustaches. we've moved the Hawaiian shirt section next to the pleated jorts"""