67519

Joke of the Day

"When is the Bible accurate? When it's thrown from a short distance."

"Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket? In case Johnny Onion Rings!"

"My 4-year-old just asked if peanuts had peanut butter in them what kinda dumbass have I brought into this world."

"How do I know Kim and Kanye's daughter is going to be smart? Because she already has 315 degrees."

"So I bought a pedometer the other day... I think it's broken. The display keeps reading ""TOO OLD""."

"CRAIGSLIST AD: Wanted - chicken nugget shaped like Rafael. Have 2 Leonardo's, willing to trade. Serious offers only. No Michaelangelo's."

"Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once."

"Wow! last night was crazy. I killed 15 zombies just in the first hour alone. Anyone know why they were all carrying sweets?"

"Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there's doctors EVERYWHERE."

"They say being gay isn't a choice but i *chose* to blow those dudes"