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Joke of the Day

"Stop trying to make small talk with me in an elevator. It's 2013. Stare at your phone like a normal person"

"How do you spell socks in Spanish? Eso si que es."

"What is the last thing the host of an orgy says to his guests? Thank you for coming!"

"What is a baby bee? A little humbug."

"What kind of ideas do blind people get? Brailleant ones. Sauce: Am blind."

"What do you call a scientist that measures things in space? A cosmetrologist."

"Sorry I threw sliced bread at you when you were taking a duck face selfie"

"My neighbor traded in his KIA yesterday. Sold his Soul for a Mustang."

"Raising my kids is hard. I can barely get the fat one off the ground."

"A man tells his friend his wife broke up with him and has full custody of his kids... His friend says: ""I feel so sorry"" The man says: ""I feel worse for the kids"""