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Joke of the Day
"My sexlife"
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"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Great big holes all over australia"
"My bank statement is just a record of everything I've eaten for the last month."
"What do you call the mineral found in teeth and tooth enamel? Apatite."
"*Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?"
"*pulls fire alarm in apt building* *everyone runs outside* [Me on megaphone]IVE GATHERED U HERE B/C SOME OF U STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP"
"The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick... Moby Dick's Adobe Mick."
"A hotel just offered me a job making beds. I think I'll turn them down."
"I accidentally muted the command switch on my driverless car... ...well, it goes without saying."
"What do black people and a tornado have in common? It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood."