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Joke of the Day

"*Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?"

"For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler!"

"What type of tea is hard to swallow? Reality"

"What's the difference between a white guy and a pizza? A pizza doesn't shoot up a school."

"Let's turn that frown upside down! ** **does handstand** **"

"There's a technical term for a sunny warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday."

"I can tell so much about a person just by guessing."

"[A field] *An elderly Louie Pasteur and I sit among the clover, I hold a shotgun* Me: It's time to put you out to pasture. *Cocks shotgun*"

"I held a baby today. I was scared it would make me want a baby, but it just made me want to be a baby."

"There's been a lot of sexual assaults at a bread store in India The media's calling it the Rape of Naan King"