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Joke of the Day

"How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down."

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"You can get a free carton of ice cream at the grocery store if you eat the whole thing before the cops show up."
"What do you call Donald Trump's plane? Hair force one..."
"A man goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor looks him over and says ""You have got to stop masturbating"" ""Why?"" ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical"""
"Marriage consists of three rings.... engagement ring wedding ring and suffering"
"If I don't mention you, then the tweet/status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it."
"I've been on this new Vodka diet. It's great, I've lost 3 days already!"
"Donald be careful. Donald watch out. Donald look both ways. Donald Duck!"
"I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today... she said that was 0K"
"If a crackhouse is filled with love, it becomes a crackhome.."