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Joke of the Day

"What do you call Donald Trump's plane? Hair force one..."

"Wall, you may have ears but you're pretty useless without a mouth and eyes, aren't you? Wall?"

"Give Michael Cera a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll be like, ""ewww you have to touch worms? Gross"""

"I went to see my doctor about my insomnia. Not sure he appreciated me knocking on his door at 3AM."

"Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*"

"I have a very particular set of skills, skills I acquired over a long career. Skills that - ugh hold on *covers phone* MOM I'M ON THE PHONE!"

"I could never date a homophobe... I just don't think he'd be into that."

"Why did the console gamer cross the street? To render the other side."

"Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job"

"What are the best kinds of speedbumps? Orphan shaped ones."