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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to seem desperate, so I always wait at least 3 days before I call 911."

"No, I do not have food in my teeth; haven't you ever heard of tooth freckles? Now go away & leave me that toothpick. Jerk."

"What do planets like read? Comet books! Edit: What do planets like to read?**"

"They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken."

"Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night... She stood him up."

"What do you call a person who speaks three languages? Trilingual! Two Languages? Bilingual! Only one language? Americans~"

"My wife said she wanted to have a space of her own in the house... I said, ""Of course, honey. Whatever makes you happy. From now on I'm not going to set foot in the kitchen."""

"What is the playing surface of the New Orleans Superdome called? Mardi grass."

"Why did the guy from Brooklyn cross the road? None of your f**king business."

"If you make a cow angry how will she get even? She'll cream you!"