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Joke of the Day

"I once knew two ranchers named Jim.... They had a thousand cattle between them. One night while unwaken. Their cattle were taken. My Jimmy's were rustled, shagrin."

"(Ad for a baby) gently used can't even kill you doesn't shed poops on a learning curve goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years"

"Women may have claimed the $20 bill... But men still have all the common cents."

"Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else."

"Not to sound like a total jock but who won baseball this month?"

"I realized why the media isn't taking my presidential campaign seriously. Occasionally, I'll slip up and accidentally tell the truth."

"Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died? He pasta way. His legacy will become a pizza history."

"Are your parents bakers? Cause youre inbread."

"What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country"

"aw, the tsa confiscated my toothpaste before my flight. looks like i'm brushing my teeth with all these knives and gunpowder instead"