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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding."

"Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES."

"What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto"

"What's Hitler's favorite Chinese food? Lo mein kampf"

"What do you call a biker on her period? A menstrual cyclist!"

"What is Rick Grimes' favorite thing under the sea? CORALL!"

"Another knock knock joke I can tell knock knock jokes to my dog because when I say ""Knock, knock."" He starts barking and runs to the door... Stupid dog ! There's never anyone !!!"

"I tried smoking mushrooms today.. ..but the pizza sauce kept putting the lighter out."

"For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked."

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman? ... a surprisingly stable person; according to my Homie O'Statis."