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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer."
Next Joke
"Two fishes are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, ""How do you drive this thing?"""
"Why did the coed have sex with a Mexican? Her professor told her if she wanted to pass, she had to do an essay"
"What do you call a water fowl looking in a window? Peking duck. (it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)"
"Me: this is shit, I'm changing the channel Wife: leave the baby monitor alone"
"[OC] So I went downstairs to check the time on a clock... But it was saying 4:04: Time Not Found!"
"How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box."
"Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, ""Yes, honey I do."""
"An atheist's response to witnessing the second coming of Christ. ""Well, I'll be damned."""
"My Wife and I made love today for the first time in weeks. (X-POST from r/shortscarystories) I put her back in the freezer afterwards."