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Joke of the Day

"Mommy! I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cus it was fake. ""Oh, how did you know it was fake?"" ""It had two zeroes instead of one."""

"Did you hear about the alien megastructures located near the Milkyway? *Handwave* nanobots"

"If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply."

"Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting? because he can't aim steadily"

"What do we want? Race car noises. When do we want them? Neoooooooooooooooooooooow"

"If I reject your call the first two times, ring me again. I'm really just testing your resolve."

"[first date] me: [don't let her know you're a microwave] her: my food is a bit cold me: [my head starts slowly rotating]"

"Have you heard about the one about suicidal procrastinator He lived a long healthy life."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? Allahu Ackbar! /r/unexpectedjihad"

"I like my women like I like my wine. 5 years old and locked in a cellar. (I CAN FEEL THE RETRIBUTION ALREADY)"