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Joke of the Day

"in the rental car today and my son said it was like we were in a ""rocket ship"" how many rocket ships have you been in. That's what I thought"

"A toddler who refuses to take a nap... Is guilty of *resisting a rest*."

"Small problem with Donald Trump's like logic. Yes Donald, you can build a wall, yes you can make the Mexican's pay for it. But who's gonna build the wall?"

"When a woman says ""I can't even tell you how upset I am right now"" just wait 3 seconds."

"Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10? I asked him and he said, ""I still love vista, baby!"""

"If you're a delivery driver and don't get a tip... You get shafted"

"Bae: come over. Me: I'm doing the podcast. Bae: come over. Me: nah, I'm doin the podcast. Bae: my parents are out. Me: they can download it."

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."

"Reasons Pluto is so cold: 3) It's far from the sun 2) Its atmosphere is too thin to trap heat. 1) It found out we said it's not a planet."

"""I'm in."" - Samuel L. Jackson to every movie pitch he's ever heard"