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Joke of the Day

"Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day"

"Thank god we don't have thought bubbles above our heads. I'd be in trouble 99% of the time."

"Why does Barbie never get pregnant........? Because Ken came in another box"

"""A wine please"" ""Sir, this is McDonalds..."" ""Okay, a McWine please"""

"A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD He got shot down"

"Gf: am I pretty or ugly? Bf: you're both hun :) Gf: what do you mean both? Bf: you're pretty ugly."

"Mary's doctor told her she was allergic to latex ""Oh no, I'm so fucked!"" She responded, shocked at the news ""I'm afraid not."" said the doctor as he left with a grin."

"So a baby seal walks into a club I'll show myself out"

"Why are spiders good swimmers ? They have webbed feet !"

"What do Asian pirates do? They fry pranes."