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Joke of the Day

"My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on."

"I was working on a new rape joke, but i couldn't get the punchline to flow right. It just came off sounding too forced."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's Dead."

"Why didn't the French soldier fight in the battle of France? He was on a summer retreat!"

"I think my wife is dead I mean, the sex is no different, but the dishes keep piling up"

"ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You don't know man, you weren't there!"

"Who was the knight that invented the round table? Sir Cumference. (via friend who got this from a street performance group in the England area of Epcot)"

"What should you do if there is a blackout at night? Call the police, they'll come and shoot it."

"Swim up bars combine my two favorite things. Drinking and peeing in hotel pools."