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Joke of the Day

"An Irish man walks on the street and ignores a bar... Muahahaha, like that's possible!"

"I love kids. When they're adults."

"Did you hear about the coroner who always was early for his shift? He could not wait to get to work and crack open a cold one."

"They should make an alarm clock that plays the sound of my dog about to throw up."

"Have you heard of the American Philosophical Association? I'm not sure if it exists or not and neither are they."

"I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: ""What do you do at a red light?"" Me: ""I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."""

"*sees a babe about to walk through a puddle* ""No no, allow me"" *gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*"

"Love means never being able to like another girl's selfie on Instagram ever again."

"Three things that are certain in life~ 1) Death 2) Paying taxes 3) Somewhere a woman is pissed at a man ...."

"Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!"