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Joke of the Day

"[remodel] Me: can you please keep that awful noise down? Contractor: for the last time, sir, we don't control who's running for president."

"Why don't Jews play basketball? Because even if they miss the shot, they still ask for change."

"I have an internet porn addiction. i really should beat it..."

"Wondering what atrocity I committed in a former life to deserve this shitty parking space."

"I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather. They call him the Raining Champion."

"I swallowed two pieces of string last night and this morning they came out of my ass tied together I shit you knot"

"In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says ""what the hell is that"" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE."

"We're out of toilet paper, also don't pet the cat."

"I really needed something positive in my life so I finally got tested."

"How do you know when... ... a blonde has been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. How do you know when a brunette used the computer after a blonde? There's writing on the white-out."