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Joke of the Day
"Wondering what atrocity I committed in a former life to deserve this shitty parking space."
Next Joke
"What did the Nazi Officer say when he saw the Americans approaching? Au Schwitz!"
"I overdosed on Viagra once. It was the hardest day of my life."
"When I was a child someone shot me with a flare gun and I've been absolutely fabulous ever since"
"The Three Unwritten Rules Of Life 1. 2. 3."
"*sees lawn gnome cartwheel into room* *calls to renew prescription*"
"I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years. Come on man, I don't have 2020 vision!"
"[speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens"
"Some of the nicest women you'll meet on Twitter are men."
"A dog limps into a bar and says... I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"