66225

Joke of the Day

"Getting paid to sleep... That's my dream job."

"Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It didn't want to get stuck in any cracks."

"You can buy a birthday cake if it's not your birthday, those dipshits don't even check your ID."

"Thursday is like your high school boyfriend. It feels good but you know something better is right around the corner."

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"[after putting a fake mustache on an elephant] FRIEND: You seen my elephant? ME: no FRIEND: [eyeing elephant] Maybe this fine gentleman has"

"Giving Money To The Non-Homeless Prank What kind of reactions could we get by giving our spare change to people who clearly don't need it. confused and disoriented evidently. :D"

"""Good for you"" was said unsarcastically only that first time."

"Two Policemen Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, ""Wow, that's got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site."""

"Superman Joke Your clear history button has saved more lives than Superman"