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Joke of the Day

"[counseling] She gets angry a lot ""He took me camping and left me in the middle of nowhere"" YOU SAID YOU LIKED SURVIVOR, KAREN"

"I heard an immature joke about dildos. Now I'm butthurt."

"Nice shoes They really stand out"

"Stuck between ""that was awesome"" and ""OMG do you need medical attention"" wherever I walk off the dance floor"

"People who say ""go big or go home"" seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it's literally my only goal for most of the day."

"Wow your rib cage and hip bones look stunning !!! Said No Man Ever"

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays""."

"Waiter there is a bee in my alphabet soup ! Yes sir and I'm sure there is an A C and all the other letters too !"

"A friend of ours is practicing baking apple pies. She brings them over to our house and later asks us how we liked it. I tell her ""You need more practice."""

"What's the most influental animal rights philosopher? Karl Barx"