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Joke of the Day

"What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? He nuts and bolts."

"Me: Yeah like that, baby. Him: *caresses my back, plays with my hair* Me: *moans* Him: *growls* I'm gonna do so many-- Me: *snores, drools*"

"How do you know the name of a Pokemon? It will tell you."

"Finally listened to the audiobook for ""The Hunger Games"". In my opinion, the book was better."

"-i am going to hell for this ""That's a sexy little outfit you're wearing,"" I said. ""I bet you want my cock in you."" ""Dave,"" my wife said, ""do you know I can hear you on the baby monitor?"""

"There is no way Siri could be a woman, she only speaks when she's spoken to."

"I don't understand poor people They keep saying they have ""nothing"", then when there's a flood ot a fire, they say they lost ""everything""."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."

"This redditor is so N00b... He pondered for several hours as to why people in his comments thread kept calling his submission ""Overpowered"""

"A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells: ""Hands in the air motherfuckers! This is a stick up!"" Because he's just dyslexic and can still speak fine"