65506

Joke of the Day

"Woo hoo, July 4th wknd! Popped opened a beer, unbottoned my pants, put my feet up. My boss keeps looking at me weird, though."

"Why don't you see blind people skydiving? Because it scares the fuck out of the guide dogs."

"So when two guys get super friendly it's bromantic, but what about two girls? Can we make homantic a thing? Or 'gina buddies or something?"

"[spooky noise comes from my closet] monster under my bed: you heard that too right"

"I got a good piece of advice for picking up girls Just keep your back straight and lift with your legs."

"What's the strongest plant in the world? Eucaliftus"

"I hope to die the same way my grandfather died Asleep. Not screaming like everyone else in the car."

"What's a pirate's favourite Roman numeral? You might think it's II, but his true love be the C."

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri? Porcupines have pricks on the outside."

"What do you call it when an escort farts? A prosti-toot"