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Joke of the Day

"First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year."

"Why don't people get married in North Korea? Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw."

"The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? ""Cause you're fatter than they are."""

"What did the sorority girl say when she couldn't eat another bite of pie? I literally pecan't right now."

"Stop. Stop it right now. I'm going to count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. ~A parenting haiku."

"Want to know why everyone loves time warner cable? The loading times are out of this world."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"""Actually I have a lot of secs"" is apparently not the right answer to ""Do you have a sec?"""

"A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment"

"I Need To Tell You All SomeThing Very Important. Sanic Ate A Burrito Then Pooped On Bready."