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Joke of the Day

"Want to know why everyone loves time warner cable? The loading times are out of this world."

"I had a racing snail... To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish"

"There was this one time I discovered a time machine... I still remember it like it was tomorrow."

"This documentary on tree frogs is absolutely ribbiting."

"Him: I hope you die a slow painful death Me: oh, no I'm not married"

"How can you tell if Asians have broken into your house? The dog is gone, the homework is done, and they're still trying to get out of the driveway."

"People are like songs.... some speak the truth and some just make sound."

"Yo mama is so fat, white and horny That when she bent over in Africa, wildlife conservation tried to breed her with a rhino."

"Not really a joke, but I thought of a way to diss three people at once. When you see someone's baby the first time, say ""so your mom did tell you how to make ugly babies"""

"Did you guys hear about the movie called Constipation? It hasn't come out yet."